Speaking of Death

By Chloé Rousseau – La Gazette de la Mauricie

Let us recall those wise words of the Epicureans: “Accustom yourself to the belief that death is of no concern to us, since all good and evil lie in sensation and sensation ends with death.” This extract from the Letter to Menoeceus by Epicurus, written 2,300 years ago, doesn’t seem to be fully agreed with today.

The fear of death is a universal subject. It evokes many questions and reflections for each of us. What drives us to be so frightened by the inevitable? Why is this fear so deeply anchored within us all?

Fear of the Unknown

The fear of death is fed by our fear of life itself: this precious life that offers us experiences and emotions. The idea of losing everything provokes terror. Our fear is increased by uncertainty of the unknown: death represents an unexplored land, a mystery beyond which we cannot see nor know with certainty what awaits us.

This lack of control is anxiety-inducing, since we are used to planning things out, making decisions, and exercising a certain level of control over our lives. The thought of losing control is what drives us to make end-of-life decisions and post mortem requests.

These days, we add to this the idea of an anticipated life’s end, which incites us to premeditate our own final days. The concept of end of life has evolved: with the advent of modern medicine and hospitals in the 19^th century and beyond, dying at home has become less and less frequent. Since sick people are often hospitalized, they die in a hospital rather than at home.

Funeral homes have also begun to take over funeral arrangements, including transporting the body and arranging the funeral. Nonetheless, over the last few decades there has been a resurgence in interest for dying at the family home or in a palliative care residence. People are choosing to die surrounded by their closest loved ones in a familiar, comfortable environment.

We can therefore affirm that our undeniable fear of death has led us to lose control over death. The ever-present anxiety over our own finality is nowadays seen differently, leading us to make more comfortable, gentler choices.  

Accompaniment

Undeniably, one of our great fears related to death is the loss of autonomy and dignity, as well as suffering, possibly caused by an illness. We may not necessarily be afraid of dying, but of living. If, according to Epicurus, death is the absence of all sensations, it is not death when, near life’s end, we succumb to daily illness until our last breath.

For the patient and their loved ones, the end of life is anxiety-provoking and destabilizing. This is why planning for the final days and receiving appropriate support allow us to fully experience our final human experiences, not just our death.

Talking about this subject remains difficult. Affirming to a loved one that we fear our finality or, on the contrary, we want to die is uncommon. And yet sharing our personal anguish or wish is taking control of our story. We choose neither the illness nor the suffering, but we can choose what this experience brings us.

Dialogue constitutes the first step towards the societal and personal acceptance of death. Accompanying a person through this stage can also prove to be a way for us to manage our own fears and bring some positivity to our perceptions. Finally, celebrating our loved ones and accompanying them through the final phase of their life is the best way to fight anxiety.