By Raymond Viger
We have already published a report on India Desjardins and her book Mr. Big. The author writes about toxic relationships fueled by TV shows such as Sex in the City.
Ingrid Falaise, an author who describes the conjugal violence she suffered through, has written about the horrors of her situation for us.
Men and boys in the 1950s and 60s were educated, sadly, on the positive aspects of being macho. With James Bond played by Sean Connery, or Humphrey Bogart in films. They both kissed women who said no at first. Within 15 seconds they had seduced their prey.
Romantic comedies of the period too often featured people in a romantic relationship that didn’t suit them. At the end of the film, they break up and instantly find themselves in an ideal love match. The film writers tried to convince us that you can go and end a romantic relationship without regret.
And what about all those songs that preach emotional dependency? I love you… I couldn’t live if you left me… don’t leave me… I will die…
And On TV
Here’s another source of television malaise. Subtle. Imperceptible. But that can do a lot of harm.
In this fictitious program, a young female police officer kills a bandit. It’s the first time she’s ever gone through that experience. She sits in front of her locker at the end of her shift and changes into civilian wear to go home. She breaks down in tears, devastated.
Up to this point, the script writers have an excellent opportunity to explore the importance of showing our emotions. To not play down what we are experiencing. The importance of seeking help…
Then her boss, who is also her father, approaches her cautiously.
“I heard what you did today” he says proudly.
She replies: “It’s the first time I’ve ever used my service revolver on duty… And I killed a man.”
“I have good news, I’ve accepted the promotion I’ve been offered,” he comes back with. The young police officer, who had just been broken hearted, beams back a smile at the news.
Was the father heeding his daughter’s emotions? Was the daughter, to make her father happy, suppressing the emotions she was experiencing? If the daughter was repressing her emotions, could she really have been listening to her father?
Any relationship between two people begins with listening. This basic fact is true whether it’s a love relationship, or friendship, professional, commercial or otherwise. Without listening, there is no relationship. It’s just two people engaging in monologues in front of each other.
There is no doubt that there are films, TV shows and songs where a healthy, equitable relationship is not what is being talked about in the lyrics or the script.
In our life choices, a good relationship has to be: equal, just, equitable, sincere, healthy, balanced, satisfying, and honest.
Because the goal of a relationship has to be the development and flourishing of both parties concerned. If not, we have to learn how to end a relationship and then mourn it adequately.
And if your inner voice cries help! don’t hesitate to ask for help.
Leave a Reply