Therapeutic Objectives: Beat Your Alcoholism
The metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly reminds us of one of life’s greatest lessons: the wings of maturity and autonomy grow as you leave your old habits behind.
I’ve come to realize that I suffer from low self-esteem. I don’t know myself well enough. I know that inside of me there will always be treasures and areas of shadow that my introspection and self-exploration will never reach.
Through my recovery I’ve wanted to arm myself with tools that will permit me to put an “x” through the self-sabotage I’ve engaged in throughout my life. I want to get to know myself better, and accept myself as I am.
My introspective reflections have to bring me to identify my degrading and destructive behavior patterns, my hurts, their Hows and their Whys.
- Divorce myself from my alcoholism, stay abstinent, march towards sobriety.
- Correct my self-destructive behavior.
- Conquer my psychosomatic problems (depression, insomnia and chronic anxiety).
- Get past my legal problems.
- Increase my potential.
- Reorient myself professionally.
- Achieve all this positively and efficiently.
I completed a ten-month rehab stint, divided in two by a two-week escapade dictated by my own pride and impulsivity. I had a big relapse, and then returned to my rehab, la maison l’Estime in Asbestos. There, I successfully completed my rehab program. Right now I’m in medical, social and professional recovery with my doctors, the Dollard-Cormier Centre and the maison L’Exode.
For 20 years I’ve found myself in the throes of alcoholism, just through following others, frivolity, and a lack of concern. Later on, I came to understand that apart from the great joy I took from drinking, there was a certain rebellion against rigid and controlling confinement as well as the moral and religious conformism I grew up with as a child and as a teenager.
After my denial, I finally admitted my alcohol problem thanks to the accompaniment of friends, family, my doctor and my employer. I hadn’t come to terms with the way I was getting bogged down in mediocrity; my health problems; and the deterioration of my intellectual faculties (loss of memory and concentration). And I didn’t have a very orderly lifestyle.
Alcoholism and Depression
I was submerged by alcoholism, depression, anxiety and chronic insomnia. I had become a mass of contradictions: inconsistent performance at work; unreliable at work because of my absenteeism; dysfunctional interpersonal relations; traffic tickets piling up; fears, pain, and anger.
So I asked for help, and turned to my family doctor, who referred me to psychiatry at the Jewish General Hospital. I was treated, then was sent to the Dollard-Cormier Centre for my alcohol addiction.
Consequences of Alcoholism
I had to quit my job after vainly trying to perform less strenuous functions. My alcoholism also got me into legal trouble. I’d collected traffic tickets. I’d been charged with making death threats stemming from an argument with a neighbor. That issue is still suspended, and one of my parole conditions is that I can’t go back to my place.
I still succeeded in strengthening my inner voice, by listening to it and understanding it better. My inner voice is the cradle of my self-esteem, and it must continue to nourish my own personal honesty. I’ve often had occasion to reflect upon what this dynamic energy in me represents, an energy that never ceases to grow thanks to all the compliments I get as I go through my daily routine.
Humility and Alcoholism
In the worthwhile accomplishments I achieve through my actions, my self-esteem calls upon the simultaneous contributions of my honesty, my realism and my humility; my potential, my experiences and my limitations; my motivation, my determination and my perseverance.
I’ve adopted a better emotional lifestyle. I now have to harmonize my two voices: my rational voice, and my emotional voice.
The most beautiful rainbow is produced when the luminous rays of forgiveness penetrate through the nebulous tears of regret, remorse and resentment.
Alcoholism and Resentment
Sometimes, my regrets, my remorse and my resentments have plunged me into guilt, shame, and hatred related to bad choices I have made or hostile situations I’ve voluntarily or involuntarily placed myself in.
The feelings that have proceeded from this have sometimes been very strong, and have generated a lot of pain and anger. Dreams, ambitions and plans that I’ve had to abort; prejudices I could have suffered, or could have imposed upon others. And all this was because of my alcoholism, my indifference and, most of all, my dishonesty towards myself.
I am conscious that I feel powerless before my past and that I cannot change.
Shaded by my values and beliefs, I know that my ideas and my thoughts don’t represent reality. I have to master them and not remain their slave. I possess the power to modify my darkest perceptions, and to plan for a flourishing future, despite where I’ve been.
Sometimes longer than expected, the route that my effort will take me along will never fool the marcher. Those who doubt me can’t see far enough ahead.