Schizophrenia

By Raphael Roy Dumont

What is the meaning of life?

To love…

To overcome obstacles

And to live

Because time passes too fast and whether it pleases us or not

We’re all in the same boat

I don’t want to complain anymore

I chose to be an ally

A man for whom destiny

Means nothing

But who fights so that the Earth will be a better place to live?

I’m not a messenger

I’m a schizophrenic

If you want to know why I wrote all those things

Ask my voices…

While waiting

I’m no longer the same

I have no faith in god

But that doesn’t make me a bad person forever

Happiness for me

Is not having a problem

Am I afraid?

No

I’ve seen all the colors in this life

I’ve suffered for my quota

Now

I hope that the world gets better

That those who suffer don’t lose hope for a better day

Or peace

For all time…

What’s on the other side?

Maybe some new challenges

New dreams

Or maybe nothing

I don’t care

But

I have principles despite it all

I have hope

That those who know me won’t forget me

Schizophrenia…

I’d like to talk about it

I’ve been hearing voices for 13 years

Since 2007 to be precise

During all that time

I always told myself that the voices were real

That they really exist

That they were spirits talking to me…

But today I’ve resolved to myself

To no longer believe in them…

The possession is over

It’s finished Azazel

Finished jesus

It’s a deliverance for me

A new life begins

Those voices I hear

Are just the product of my subconscious

Why do they seem so real?

For the same reason that a dream can sometimes seem more real than reality

And they’re a product of the subconscious too

I am Raphael

Newly atheist

Why?

Because all that spirituality brings me

Are problems

If I died today

What would be my greatest success

And my greatest regret?

First of all, my greatest success hasn’t yet happened but I expect it soon

Secondly, my greatest regret is to not have been assured enough

And having been called to war

And having hated non-believers

Real life for me is the negation of all my perceptions

I am in denial

I don’t want to live a nightmare anymore

Always waiting for my last rhyme

My last day

My last road

I don’t want to believe it anymore.

What do I believe in if I don’t believe in God?

Are there spirits in the sky?

Good entities, or evil ones?

I think there is eternal peace

I remain optimistic

Are my voices hallucinations from my brain

A product of my imagination?

I see the signs

But I refuse to believe in them

And that, for my mental health

Because I’ll never cure myself of my mystic hallucinations

If I don’t stop referring to my voices

As spirits

Everything can happen

I’ve chosen the path of reason

The road of inner peace

I am just a mortal

Yolo

– Translated from: L’art des fous, poems on mental health by Gaspé residents  

  Published by Éditions TNT, 2021

  www.editionstnt.com